(Disclaimer: First, this is not for the kiddies due to some mature subject matter. This is my spoof on reality shows. I stand by everything I wrote, however if someday the reality TV devil comes knocking on my door and wants to pay me a salary to follow me around with cameras, I take it all back! LOL…Hope you enjoy!)
Are you a struggling actor? Then you’ll want to listen to this amazing opportunity. Are you suffering from posttraumatic acting class syndrome? Did you endure hours of acting class only to be passed up by the latest “reality star” or sex tape of the week? Have you gone on endless auditions and time consuming open calls, when all your acting teacher had to do was point you in the direction of selling your soul? Well you’ve come to the right place. Are you sick and tired of hearing about these so called “celebrities” who know absolutely nothing about acting or the business of acting, passing you right by, raking in the money and becoming famous overnight? Meanwhile you’ve been trying to take the legit route, learning your craft? You slept with a famous athlete? Come on over and be a correspondent for our entertainment show! You keep Trojan in business with your irresponsible sexual promiscuity, we love you! Want to really make a name for yourself? Crash a dinner at the White House, who needs an invite? And we’ll reward you for it! As a matter of fact, we’ve also got a book deal with your name all over it! Speaking of book deals, how would you like to get paid more than Nobel prize winning authors for speaking at colleges? If hearing all of this makes you sick like an animal and you’re about to throw in the towel, call us first! At Fame Whores, I mean Fame Seekers, have we got the solution for you! Your misguided acting teachers have steered you wrong. Learning the tools of “the biz” is so last year. We’ve got the right method for you. We’ll help you realize your true calling and put you on that fast track to fame and fortune. Forget about skill, maybe your real talent is getting sloppy drunk in public, throwing furniture or sleeping with a celebrity, athlete or elected official, maybe you’ll make a sex tape and“accidentally” leak it onto YouTube …oopsie…Ask yourself these questions, do you enjoy going to foreign countries and insulting them with your lack of culture? Would you like to set back your gender, nationality or home state by your lack of manners or basic decency? If you have a pulse, then call us now and talk to one of our certified fame consultants. They’ll help you reach your dream for the teensy price of your soul. So actors if you’re tired of learning your “craft”, tired of those open casting calls and standing on line with 100’s of other suckers only to be told no, let us represent you. We’ll put you on that fast track to infamy. If you have no talent, no self esteem or morals for that matter, then you’re the client for us! Don’t delay, call us now!
(Find me on Twitter @JennGDonohue)